When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dick very happy bro
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
