He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
