I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
