i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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