Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
