yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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