You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
