YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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