Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
