My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
