Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
