Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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