She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
