you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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