You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
