Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
