Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
