dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
