Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
