The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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