I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
