you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
