I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
God, I missed his penis.
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