I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
