my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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