1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Randomize
