I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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