there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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