Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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