he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
