alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
