there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
