When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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