when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
