How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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