girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
