I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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