I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just had sex bonerless
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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