dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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