Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
