saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
