That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
