I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
