i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
