i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize