It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
