Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
