so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
