Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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