the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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