At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
