he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
