if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
