I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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