my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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