speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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