i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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