it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
