that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
