One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize