dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
