this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
