i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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