I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
