Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
