You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
