I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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