is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
