he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
