yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
