Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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