I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
