Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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