Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize