no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
