So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
