Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
