My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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