Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Mom said you looked used
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
