im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
tell me about the eggs
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
