I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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