should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
