Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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