So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize