i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
