clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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