1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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