So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
