my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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